btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We talked him into tasing himself.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
