Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
