i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
