i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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