As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
