the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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