Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
