guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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