I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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