And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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