obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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