I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Randomize
