ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
