Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
They are going to name an STD after you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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