I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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