How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
