He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
