I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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