ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
