She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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