he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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