I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
