toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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