In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
