OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
