the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
