can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
