Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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