I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she peed on how many people?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
