I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
