I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
