I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
