4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
