Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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