Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
what is it with giant penises always finding me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
