My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
