Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
