Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
