i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
