I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
