who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
