I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
