I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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