So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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