bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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