some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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