What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All I want is dick and wine.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
