Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
