She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
