Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
