If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
