Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
