I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
