my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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