My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
