i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
