For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my shit smells like andre
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
