so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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