I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
