He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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