No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
