remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
