Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
