Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
