Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
