Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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