let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
