So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
