I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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