so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
