so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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