I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Acid is not a monday night drug
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize