And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
