Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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