I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
