I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
love makes seman taste better
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
