Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
