Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
