I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
