I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
