I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
