Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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