I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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