i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
