i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
