trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize