Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
