last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
did you just send me my own nude
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
