So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize