Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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