I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
