My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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