I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize