What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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