does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
