I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
