You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
