I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
