i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
