but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize