He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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