Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
