Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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