I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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