my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
