i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
